Less Like Scars, More Like Character: 09.08

I've been getting some pretty angry emails about my lack of posting. Every time I read one, I feel bad for not posting, but usually not bad enough to actually post something. So now people have actually started emailing my mother and complaining that she's raised an unreliable blogger. (thanks, Amy! :)
I have many, many faithful readers, even when there's absolutely nothing to read, and I'm sorry for not updating faithfully. As always, there's a whole lot going on around here, as I suspect there always will be.

School started last month and, so far, it's going alright. I was able to get all of my classes in a flex schedule this semester so I'm doing half of my classes for the first 8 weeks and then the other half for the last 8 weeks. Even though each class goes alot faster than normal, I like having only half the homework at a time.
In case you think I'm lying about being really busy, here's my schedule.
M) 8a-5p--school
T) 9a-11a--school; 11a-whenever--rotating homes of families in our church/homeschool group to help them with school, cleaning, organizing, scheduling, life, whatever makes their lives easier
W) 8a-5p--school; 6p-9p--Bible study
R) 9a-11a--school; 12p-whenever--cleaning the house and baking for Friday
F) 7a-12p--clean and bake; 12p-4p--HOPE co-op at our house, I'm teaching 2 Latin classes during this time.

There is no scheduled blogging time, which bothers some people. It really doesn't bother me until I realize that I haven't blogged in a while, and then I feel all this guilt. Ok, not really. But it's a nice thought anyway.

Oh look, today is September 27th. 3 years since I went into the hospital for the first time. That was the first day that anyone besides Mom and me knew anything was wrong with me. Hm...3 years. Don't really know what to say except...well, 3 years. I was looking through my old blog that I kept while I was in the hopsital and during the subsequent months and found these 2 posts from Sept 27, 2005...THE day. This is pretty funny...

"so i'm not in my 8oclock class. i woke up this morning, and thought very carefully about standing up. i had to make sure it was worth the risk of blacking out right away. happy for me, i made it all the way to the school parking lot before blacking out. it lasted for what seemed like a good 3 or 4 minutes, but i really have no idea. after that i couldn't walk so i sat in my car for a few minutes and listened as kassie tried to call my phone to find out where the heck i was and why i was making her sit in class alone. i couldn't answer my phone because i couldn't really hear anything...it was like i was in a big bubble and all sounds were muffled. so when i was finally able to stand up i walked long enough to get to the college commons, where i sit now. the good news is, i've never had more than one blackout in one day. maybe God just thought i should go ahead and get it over with so i wouldn't worry about it all day. that's nice of Him. so now i just deal with the massive headache it leaves."

3 hours later...

"bossy aubrey is forcing me to go to the emergency room. bossy mom agreed with her. bossy dad came home from work to take me to the er. i'm leaving with the bossy people now. why can't they stay out of things? my life will most likely be ruined because of what they're making me do right now. you heard it here first."

I've been reading through alot of those entries from that week and it's so weird to read what I wrote just a few days before all of this happened...before "being sick" was a normal part of my life. I mean, I was already having problems as you can see from the above post, but I didn't know that anything was seriously wrong with me. It's just eerie to read what was going on in those days before the ER trip and how I had no idea that in 2 days, my life and my family's life were going to be turned upside down.

It's also interesting to read the progression how I "dealt" with all of this. First it was this huge, dramatic, emotional, the world is over kind of tone. Then I was angry, went through a very depressed stage, and then decided to give up on being angry and accept that this is where God has me. I'm really glad I blogged through all of that. Most of what I wrote, I do not remember at all. Probably because of drugs and pain. But it's good to go back, especially on days like today when I feel like I haven't made any progress at all, and see exactly what I was thinking and feeling back then.

I know that I have a ton of new readers on my blog and we've been meeting alot of new people that have been asking lots of questions and want to know the full story about what happened and what is happening now. I really avoid telling the story because a) I don't remember a whole lot, b) those days are still hard to talk about, and c) living with this disease is so normal for me now that it's hard to talk about it without dismissing the whole thing as boring and unimportant. Anyway, I'm re-writing the story with the help of the people that were going through it with me, and I'll post it soon for everyone who is confused as to what's going on.

Look for more posts soon, I promise! :)